Its 2 days after my first speech at Toast Masters. I have a day off and I finally was able to relax the other night and now, as I’m here to convey a message to you all. I’m enjoying my coffee and reflecting on the experience. It’s been a stressful few weeks, knowing that I soon would be speaking in front of strangers. Public speaking for many, including myself is challenging and causes a lot of anxiety. Many fear Public Speaking more than other things ( such as fear of heights, flying, or even cancer).
I’d thought I would write my insights as well as compare Dancing and public speaking.
Most of the time, I post a piece of creative writing here, usually something that I have easily and naturally constructed in my mind, at least portions prior to those thoughts written on paper, or here on the computer screen
I thought if I wrote poetically, it may not be as meaningful and possibly not have the same affect on you, the reader.
I have wanted to take public speaking for a long time, but never did. I was enrolled in a public speaking course in college. However, a few weeks after the class began, I had to take a medical leave due to suddenly losing my sight for the second time in 14 months.
So, I never learned those concepts and skills then.
Speaking in front of strangers , even approaching one stranger and starting a conversation has always been difficult for me. Even at 3 years old I was shy around those I did not know. Yet, I was a friendly child from what I am told and liked to talk if I knew the person and the trust was there. Its interesting , the inner child within us is just a smaller version of our adult selves.
I can be extremely talkative when its someone I am familiar with or if I am in a familiar setting.
If I am not, its out of my comfort zone. I was this way at 4 and still today,at 51 .
I decided its about time that I work on overcoming that fear as well as gain some leadership skills.
As said, I’m quite shy and introverted and speaking in front of a group of strangers elecits a ton of anxiety. My stress the last few weeks has been very high and there have been changes physiologically. It’s been mentally draining too. I have been a little more forgetful, heart racing, trouble sleeping, headaches, and stuff like that.
I noticed the other night once my speech was over, I began to relax and unwind. I felt changes within minutes after sitting down and listening to the next presenter.
Recently, I thought about why, It is, so difficult for me to not just speak in a formal setting like Toast Masters but just, in everyday situations, out in the community. I don’t like strangers approaching me nor me, them.
It’s not like I won’t, talk to strangers, it’s just I’m less likely to strike up a conversation. Since having dog guides it has helped and the dogs have been good icebreakers. People will first ask about the dog’s training, talk about their dog, things like that and that often is how I have gotten to know strangers.
I know intellectually that some of these strangers would, could become acquaintances and then eventually lead to a friendship. Yet, getting to that, point is just so awkward for me.
As I said, I recently thought why it is that public speaking or talking to strangers has been so challenging for me. I do have a somewhat introverted personality this is true.
Not only that, I believe my experiences in school has not only somewhat shaped my personality but also my inability to feel comfortable in groups, make friends and speak in public.
My Family moved a lot when my sisters and I were growing up. So, we were the “New Kids”. I also was legally blind, had some issues with my weight and had alopecia.
Of course, if you are the “new kid” or appear different in any way, one’s peers seem to like to tease and make fun of those whom appear so different and weak compared to them.
For many years and no matter what school I had attended, it was pretty much the same. Not all of my classmates picked on me, but many, enough that it did ultimately effect not just my social life but also my personality and who I have become as a person.
I’d like to think those experiences were one of a few reasons as to why I have lots of compassion for others and I like to give others the benefit of the doubt, get to know them before I come to any real conclusions on what they are like as a person.
Though, I have forgiven those peers, “Kids” whom ridiculed me for years, I haven’t forgotten. I’m sure most of those kids, whom are all adults now are good people, have respect for others and have children of their own. Perhaps, some feel badly for how they behaved back then and maybe, even some of them I’d be friends with today. I’d like to think so. I know we all were going through our own “growing Pains”.
Despite all of this , it still has had this effect on me. It’s not like I dwell on it. I just happen to have a very good Memory, a Memory like an Elephant (unless I am under stress).
And unfortunately and, fortunately, our perceptions and experiences doe’s effect and can alter our views and personality.
I was made fun of in and outside of the classroom, and fortunately, only in the school setting. P. E, Gym was my least favorite class, even worse than Math (and I am poor at Math).
If I gave the wrong answer when called upon in class, many of my peers laughed at me, teasing me and doing other things, the typical bullying stuff that you hear about.
As a result, I think that is another reason why I have lots of anxiety and feel so uncomfortable speaking in front of others.
It’s interesting but I don’t recall bullying being one of those social problems that got publicity like it does today. Perhaps, I was just unaware of it.
However, it appears that there are, more advertisements and PSA’s (Public Service Announcements) on this major Social Problem.
I am glad to hear that they have these PSA’s and other ways that the word is getting out about Bullying. It’s a real problem for youth. Maybe, some of these PSA’s will make others more aware and teach youngsters not to bully , have respect for others and if he or she does observe a classmate being bullied to speak up and help.
Recently, I heard some PSA’s on this issue, and noticed that I had tears in my eyes as I listened to the announcements. I couldn’t believe that it elicited a reaction, an emotional response in me after 30 years, - but it did. Wow! I have empathy for those children whom are being bullied now.
I was told as a kid, just ignore them and they will stop. You know what? that, didn’t help at all . I should have stood up to them
I appreciate my sisters Mary Beth and Tara being there in some of these situations and standing up for me on my behalf. I can recall a couple incidents pretty clearly as if they happened yesterday and one girl in particular ,one classmate “ Jackie Bennett who was one of my Bully’s and My sister Mary Beth had gotten into a fight with after school because of me and she did what she could to try and stop the bullying. Thank you Mary Beth and Tara.
I never intended to disclose something as personal as this, to my Blog and on such a public platform. Yet, I am writing about my reflections on public speaking and I have been feeling introspective.
Sorry I went down Memory lane.
The purpose of this Blog Post was to tell you my experience I had the other night as I presented my first Speech at my toast masters Meeting.
I also wanted to compare how dancing is like writing a speech. This, could certainly be more interesting and entertaining than hearing about my childhood.
Fortunately, I chose a wonderful Toast Master’s Club “Socially Speakers” here in Tempe.
Toast Masters International has been around for 90 years and there are thousands of Clubs World Wide.
Each Club makes it a safe environment and teaches techniques to be a good professional speaker while providing support and encouragement along the way. They do evaluate each speaker but they do it in a positive and constructive way.
My Club Socially Speakers also have social activities outside of our Meetings: Hence, “Socially Speakers”
In November we will hike South Mountain and go to dinner. In December one of the Members will have an Ornament/ Tree decorating party. I am glad I joined this particular Club.
My Speech went alright the other night. It wasn’t as smooth as I’d like and I wish I had not been so nervous, voice shaky from the starting gate and the middle slightly awkward ,where I, knew I forgot an important part of my speech, for me at least. The portion that mentioned all that, I could finally do at age 8, was an important part of my speech.
Age 8 was quite significant for me and a year I won’t, haven’t forgotten. At age 8, things in my Brain finally clicked, both my ability to physically do tasks and mentally comprehend. Things, just fell into place.
It was then, I could finally swim, run, and ride a bike. I recall being at the Montvale Swim Club in N. J (a Manmade Lake) and having my swimming test. I didn’t like being with the little kids in the shallow end and wanted to be swimming with my sisters and the older kids, lol.
I couldn’t swim well but at least I could doggie paddle and I was able to swim from the shore to the diving board and back. I was proud of myself.
I also recall when I could finally ride my bike. Like many kids, I had training wheels on my Purple shwin Bicycle (also had a cute white basket with purple flowers and a horn). I was riding up and down our street in Upper Saddle River N. J with my Sisters and Neighbor friends, speeding ,riding ,laughing having fun ,lol., I noticed, I wasn’t using my training wheels anymore, that it was just me that was keeping the bike balanced and riding without falling. I was amazed and so excited!
Normally, I don’t like being the center of attention as a kid, nor, now.
Yet, then, I did, I said to my sisters and friend, look, look, at what I can do! Lol.
Educationally, the pieces of the puzzle were also falling into place, I had a better handle on my subjects and concepts in school. So, 1972, I won’t forget!
Here I go, digressing again, very sorry. Back to Wednesday Night’s Speech
I knew I forgot that significant piece of my personal timeline, back peddled, and then continued on, the rest flowed more easily and the person ,Dennis timing me, told me I had a minute left and I was able to somehow rap it all up and tie it all neatly, slightly awkwardly at the end but I manage to do it and stay in my 7 minute time window ,yay me! Lol.
It’s like learning and knowing how to stand and do a routine on the Balance Beam in gymnastics.
First, gracefully knowing where and how to stand up and plant your feet so your balanced enough to walk and perform on the beam with ease . Then at the end , do your dismount off the beam and land on both feet onto the floor so you look like a natural, lol.
Wednesday night, I didn’t quite do that but I suppose it’s not important , after all, it is, just the first of many Speeches I will do in toast Masters .
The Important thing is, I joined Toast Masters, stood up there in Front of everyone, despite feeling extremely nervous and anxious, didn’t freeze, quit or faint. I managed to somehow continue, even though, I had a big blunder, laughed out of nervousness ( have done that since a little girl ) ,had a huge pause but went on to finish my speech. Thanks to the encouragement of my Club Members and my close and dear friend Jeff, I made it through to the end. :)
This first speech is an “Icebreaker” Speech, about oneself. This way, Members can get to know the new Member.
One would think writing and speaking about oneself would be easy and that one, would feel comfortable to talk about him, or herself. WE know ourselves better than anyone else.
Yet, for some of us, this was not, an easy task. I felt like I didn’t have an interesting story to tell or what would others think of me being born with a brain injury and being on patterning therapy for the first 8 years of my life.
My family and close friends reminded me that I am interesting and that my story is worth telling. Not too many people born with a brain injury go through patterning and, living life, succeeding, graduating College and working full time, providing a service in Hotel and Tourism.
I did get some help some ideas as how to go about this from my good friend Jeff
First, I was told to have an outline , the key points, kind of a timeline . Once I had that, then I could draft my speech.
Even that, was a little difficult. I added too much in my outline and had to narrow it down.
Once I had that solid outline, it was simpler to write the speech.
In fact, within a couple hours of writing my draft, I was done. Once I got going, it came with ease, the words just started to flow, the keys on the keyboard quickly tapped in a rhythmic manner. I had my beginning, middle and end and my story was told on paper, a copy, in word.
Then, I needed to take those words and find a way to convey them through speaking in front of the group. This, was two completely different experiences for me.
It was easy to write, came naturally and I had no real difficulty nor anxiety writing my speech. It was smooth, fluid and more elegant then when I stood up there Wednesday night. I am like two different people and I wish I were half the speaker that I am the writer .
Writing and Dance are my, mediums of communication.
If you want to know about me visit my Blog, ask me to send you an e-mail or watch me dance. Its then, you will see the real me, the comfortable, animated, happy KarenJ lol
It’s true, I am a much better writer than speaker and I love dance.
Its there, on the dance floor that I am most comfortable. It feels natural and its loads of fun.
Even when I am taking a new form of dance, like tap or ballet I am having fun ,learning, doing and not caring if I am making a mistake or what others think when I don’t have the steps down .
And, I learn fast and I can always feel the beat, and have the rhythm . Even if, I am learning new dance concepts, I can still feel the “ beat” and stay in rhythm and will eventually I will learn the concepts and the footwork will transfer into my muscle memory.
I noticed this last year when I took tap dancing after a few years. The concepts and some of the dance steps I learned in Ballet decades earlier stayed with me and I found myself doing ballet in tap class. I would hear my tap instructor Mary say, Karen, this is not ballet, and here is how to do these steps in Tap .
Ballet was my foundation since, I began taking ballet around age 6 or 7 and had four years of it.
As I said earlier in this post, one can make a comparison of dancing to speech writing and public speaking
In Ballet one needs to Master the first 5 foot positions before learning more advanced steps and be able to execute Plies and Pirouettes and other things first.
One needs to know how to position their feet so he or she can find their ,balance and move from one position to the next where they are on the floor ,so they can leap, turn standing tall, on their toes , elegantly moving and dancing across the floor.
I was, going to use Ballet terms but since the origins of Ballet are French and Italian, I thought it may be too confusing to you the reader .
Besides, I don’t recall most, of the actual terms too write about it and have it sound intelligible.
I do still naturally, know how to perform some of these more advanced ballet steps but don’t know the term for what I am doing, it’s just still there in my muscle memory. And, even when I am waiting in line somewhere or at my desk at work or at home I will do the footwork for both ballet and tap lol.(sometimes, combining both ,doing ballet in tap is not easy and I have come close to falling as I have been in midair ,spinning coming back down trying to land on both feet,lol.
Of course, more advanced steps are not needed to express and compare dancing with writing.
As I said there are similarities.
When writing, drafting an outline for a presentation, one needs to have an outline, a theme, a subject in which he or she will expand on to write, convey their points or present on.
Dance is the same way.
One needs to have a musical theme, to know the Melody, the harmony, understand concepts and it does help, to have natural rhythm .
One needs to either be taught a dance routine or choreograph one him or herself. This would be your outline or draft for your Speech.
One needs to learn the basic steps, like the first 5 foot positions in Ballet ( first, second, Third , one foot in front, one behind, or to the side for example).
One needs to know how to point or stand on their toes and position their arms , out to the side, above their head before learning new concepts. These would be your first sub headings and points in your speech outline, often the introduction.
Having access to the ballet bar and full length Mirror if you are sighted is extremely helpful.
It’s there at the bar, where one learns the basic exercises, the first 5 foot positions and also where they stretch and get limber. It’s much easier to dance when limber.
Again, this is like your draft and outline and your introduction of your speech.
Once those concepts are understood and can be executed, one can move onto more complicated concepts and combinations that involve more fancy footwork.
These steps, would be like your body of your speech, the “meat “and core concepts of your speech and dance routine.
For instance, in tap, one needs to know how to do basics such as March in place, stay in rhythm , shuffle, know the difference between a flap and a slap and do them correctly before he or she even tries shim shams and Irish’s, even cramp rolls and ball and change .
Once, the dancer has, those basic concepts down, he or she can learn a short routine and perform it on stage. It takes practice and coordination.
In writing, one needs to have knowledge of language, have vocabulary and understand basic grammar rules, punctuation and sentence structure in order to be able to write well.
The same is true with formal dancing, like Ballet, Tap and Jazz.
One needs that foundation and beginning classes and courses before moving onto more complex dance moves, writing Poetry short stories and Novels
, before one will be accepted to a dance academy, become an instructor, or become a famous author or Poet. One needs to start somewhere, always the beginning and take baby steps.
Once one can master this and has their foundation , they are ready to combine ,execute more complex movement, more developed plots ,with more interesting Characters ,longer stanzas, poetry verses ,more complicated ,difficult dance steps that look easy pleasing to the eye but are complicated.
These, are the choreographed dance routines, the manuscripts, the novels that others want to see and read. It’s not, these corny, semi developed, half baked, unpolished Poems (if you can call them that, lol) here on Karen’s Kanvas, that most, would want to see or read here. I would love to find a way to learn to be a writer, a real writer J
Once one does successfully master these concepts, then completing and reaching the goal, being able to do the dance routine yourself, performing the solo, standing up on stage speaking in public , doing a presentation from beginning to end ,sounding professional,( not using fillers such as Umm, uh, , ok, you know and others as you speak) , to somehow guide and direct you, enable to keep going till you reach the end. This is, hard for many to do. In dance, it comes easily and pretty naturally but public speaking, is out of my league and comfort zone for sure!
Once one does master and concord this, the clincher and conclusion of their speech or routine are crisp, smooth and done with ease.
Others will want to see those individuals present again, perform on stage, write another poem, and sell another Novel.
Maybe, I too, will someday be one of those speakers that will eventually overcome most of my anxiety, perfectionism and not be my, worse critic and be a more polished professional speaker.
If, I decide to take dance again, I hope in that medium ,I too, will be able to get to the point I can choreograph my own routine, that it will show my own unique Karen style, have my own interesting flavor to it.:)
Meanwhile I will stay in Toast Masters, learn, evolve grow as a person. It will be a great opportunity.
All my family and close friends have been a wonderful support and encouraging me to do this! Thank you all!
I’d like to give an extra special thanks to Jeff though.
Jeff has been a Member of Toast Masters for about 20 years. He is a natural! A real Pro at Public speaking. He often has to make a presentation on his job as well as as a Member and Leader in ACB.
Jeff has been an evaluator and a Mentor in his own toast Masters Clubs over the years.
AS his friend, he began just giving me tips on how to write this first “Icebreaker” speech.
However, just by accident, because we are close friends, he somehow took on the role of my Mentor for this first speech. It just evolved and happened.
Thank you Jeff, for all your help, for your guidance, direction and extra support and encouragement through this process.
As I said, not too many people would spend all that time, giving me tips, listening to my speech and sit in on a Toast Masters Meeting, ( not their own Club ) and be a virtual Guest and listen remotely. That, was Awesome!, it was appreciated and didn’t go unnoticed by me and the Members of my Club , the Socially Speakers. Thank you!
This post is now 6 pages, I can’t believe it! I didn’t intend for it to be so long and in depth. There is a lot here, some very personal thoughts and feelings disclosed from my heart as well as my views on speaking, writing as well as perhaps an interesting take on dance and public speaking.
I hope you made it to the end and if you did, thank you for reading this in its entirety. I am grateful and appreciative of the few readers I do have here on Karen’s Canvas. (Maybe someday I will gain more exposure and have more readers). Hope you all found this post worthwhile and that you got to know more about me. It was the most personal piece I have written here since I began this Blog in 2006.
Please visit again. You never know what you will find here. As they say “life is, like a box of chocolates, you never know what you will get”. You never know what you will find here on Karen’s Canvas. I may write something humorous, something thought provoking, an editorial type of Piece or something from the heart, like this one. I am mysterious and predictable, that’s good lol. Take care and until then, Happy Reading
