But, I am not doing that great,either was dougie dog.
I thought about writing yesterday, but, it would have just been
filled with cynicism and despair,
And those, things, I really don't want to share.
I try and be as positive as I can and others spirits I like to
raise,
Make them smile and laugh, but can't these days.
Right now, this,I am not capable of,
Feelling out of sorts lacking compassion and love,
At least, I feel the need to be this way,
The music right now, does not play,
Nor does, the sun shine,
Yet, I know, I will be fine.
Recently a very close friend told me some of the bad things about
myself,
After , this makes one, examine more closely oneself
That some introspection is in order and the Mirror, I need to take a
look,
Yet, a bad argument,it took,
For some of these negative traits to be revealed and expressed,
Guess, this is all for the best?
I already knew these things about me,
And do agree,
That,some of my bad traitsare quite annoying and frustrating for those
who know me,
However, thought, those who cared the most, truly accepted me?
the good, the bad and the ugly,that the whole package they
accepted???
I am not sure , after things that were said
Sometimes, the truth really does not come out until, there is a
conflict, an argument,
And though, sometimes, things, could be said, that, were not really
meant,
There are some things that are said, that effect a person deeply and
, that can't be taken back
One begins to think, reflect, on what heor she does lack.
Although, I think I am supportive and can empathize,
I know, I can often over analyze,
Most any situation,
Not only this,there are other things I do,
Guess, I complain too,
This, I don't think I do as much but more , from what people do
say,
This, I will try and change today.
Last, some, don't like my communication style,
that way too much I do write,
Found this out, the other night,
And when , something is wrong,
I write e-mail or I.m and, that takes too long,
And, I am not direct and call on the phone,
Don't easily express myself,let my feelings be known,
And do things their way,
Found this out, too, the other day.
It was not that bad, what was said,
It was the fact, that we did not resolve the issue before bed,
And, the conversation, on good terms,we did not leave,
And though, e-mail to each other,yesterday, we did receive,
I feel like I need to change , that I can not be me,
And, that is what hurtsso much, you see.
I feel like I can not send mail or I.M so,much I wil not send,
At least,not to this friend
It was not so much what was said, that did not sit right,
Was just the way in which,it was all said that does not make me feel
good, that was not right., .
The things were said sarcastically and out of anger, and the truth
disclosed,
And After a day, this KDD I compose
This person, has pushed me away,.
Needless-to-say, feel the need to pull away,
At least, I feel this way,today,
Feel the need to separate my emotions , across the spectrum,
Want to detach and feel knumb,
rather not feel much, Its better then , feelling hurt and pain,
and have these thoughts that occupy my brain.,
Despite the fact, the Person I do forgive and know, at some point,
all will be alright
Monday, I was very upset and had a sleepless night.
We talked things through e-mail, things are okay,but not well,
Only time will tell.
Monday night, I could not sleepa wink,
Too much, I did think,
About what was said,
Found it difficult to relax, go to bed.
Then, it did not help matters, that Dougie woke me up in the middle of
the night
Think, he was sick , had to go out several times, that night.
So, when, I woke yesterday morning,I felt awful, had a headache,, did
not sleep at all,
So, into work,I did call,
Home I did stay,
And tried to , sleep during the day,
But, sleep, I could not, was too upset about the situation,
And later in the day, watched tv and listened to the mainstream
station.
After main menu, tried to go to bed,
Darrell, gave me a sleeping pill, it may help, he said,
Around 8;30 at night,
I began not to feel right.
I began to see puffy white clouds,, and then other things began to
appear,
People and animals all around, in the distance and near,
They were floating and drifting into space,
My thoughts began to race,
I knew, it was not real,
Yet, good,it did not make me feel.
The colors and objects were vibrant and clear as day,
Mind tricks, they did play
Felt like things were surrounding me, wish, all they would go, my
mind, they did deceive,
They would not leave,
I had to take Dougie out, to the bathroom,
And, then I found myself, in the other room,
On the computer, a ding I heard, a message,Jeff,did send,
Our very close friend.
He wanted us to call, something about Main Menu,
Was not sure,if that is what he wanted us to do,
And told him, we would not make much sense,
That, we both were hallucinating, especially me, that it was intense,
Yet, I said, I would call,
After all,
Several attempts to dial the correct number were made and we were
talking
And somehow, I got to the bedroom, but don't remember walking
I tried not to make it all a big deal,
But scared, confused and dizzy, I did feel
I know, Jeff called last night, but still confused about everything,
that was said,
Know, he wanted me to go to the E.R; chose not too went to bed
instead,
For a long time, the Hallucinations, I still had,
But, they began to slowly go away
Fell asleep, but still woke up with some, today
And by the time I arrived to work around 6; 15,
The hallucinations, no more were seen.
I did not mean to worry anyone, not at all,
And still do not understand all that was said and happened when, we
did call.
And Jeff, do appreciate you calling this morning to see how things
were, for caring, okay?
And do hope you have a good day.
I should go,
Work to do you know?
A High turn we have today,so, will have many guest,
Still not feelling great, wish I could be home, getting rest.
We have 169 to depart and 253 to arrive,
Going to be a long day, will not be leaving until after 5
Not sure what else to say,
Hope you all have a good day,
Sorry for not a positive post, check back another time
I am sure, things will be much better, I will be fine., ,
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